Lasting Impressions.

I've been thinking a lot about this idea that what you put out on the internet you 'never get back' so to speak. How a photo, video, thought or comment can 'go viral' without you having to do much of anything more than hit that tiny little word, 'POST'. How in under 24 hours, you, what you said, what you did, what you took a photo of, what you 'posted' can make an impression on hundreds of thousands of people that you don't know from places you've never been, cultures you don't understand and backgrounds you could never comprehend.

I was thrilled to have a visit with a dear friend from my past yesterday. As we were driving around, having breakfast, laughing and talking about past, present and future and generally having a great time, she made reference to me 'cussing like a sailor'. It took me aback for a second because you see I USED to cuss like a sailor. I admit it. I did. For a long time actually, and it probably started, oh, around 3rd grade and ebbed and flowed in tsunami sized waves over the next 20 years. And though I'm not exempt from the rogue expletive flying out of my mouth from time to time in crisis, as a general rule I try to express myself in more creative, less personally offensive ways these days. So being the 'non-swearing like a sailor' person that I'm trying to be now, it was sobering to realize that how I am STILL known by this old friend, SEVEN years removed from a time when our paths were consistently crossing, is so contrary to who I think I am now. But those two Whitney's; the swearing like a sailor Whitney and the non swearing like a sailor Whitney are actually the very SAME person. I did not die and come back to life in a different body, with a different soul and different vocabulary habits. All of the choices that I have made, the things I have said and done, the ways in which I've acted, not acted, pretended to act, all culminating up to this point are who I am. Though many of us wish we could cut out chunks of our past and toss them to the sharks or borrow MIB's mind swipey things and erase everyone's memories of us then, we cannot. Despite the grace of Christ through the love and mercy of others that covers our many sins and allows us to continue to move forward, grow and change, we're still stuck with the impressions we've made on others from start to finish.

And the impact is sometimes, oftentimes, much deeper and more significant that we realize. The web defines 'going viral' as objects or phenomena that are able to replicate themselves or convert other objects into copies of themselves when these objects are exposed to them. This has become a common way to describe how thoughts, information and trends move into and through a human population.

Hmmmm. To replicate or convert upon exposure. That idea doesn't just apply to youtube videos on the internet. It applies to you and to me and to every single person and situation we encounter along the way.

I'm sure my dear old friend isn't bothered in the least by her memories of me being 'the ultimate sailor'  but what about the countless other impressions I've made; negative AND positive through the years that have literally left permanent (and maybe not so permanent when they should've) imprints on the hearts and lives of others? To what are those who cross my path being 'exposed' and more importantly, TO WHOM?

I really can't say I'm sad to see 2013 go, but let me tell you, it is a year I will NEVER forget. Nor do I want to despite the heartache it held. 2013 burrowed itself deep into my spirit and began a conversion in me that will not soon be shaken. This events of this year have been refining; breaking me down, chiseling away at the unimportant, the distractions and revealing the truest parts of me; in my character, in my purpose, in the vision I have of myself and the future..in every part of my life.

And I'm glad for it. Because as a goldsmith continues to purify gold until he can see his own reflection shining back from it, I know that my God and Creator sees a little more of Himself when looking into my face as an effect of this year.

"You now rejoice in this HOPE, even if it's necessary for you to be distressed for a short time by various trials. This is necessary so that your faith may be found genuine. Your faith is more valuable than gold, which will be destroyed even though it is itself tested by fire. Your genuine faith will result in praise, glory and honor for you when Jesus Christ is revealed. Although you've never seen him, you love him. Even though you don't see him now, you trust him and so rejoice with a glorious joy that is too much for words. You are receiving the goal of your faith; your salvation." 1 Peter 1: 6-9

So goodnight 2013. In a few short hours we lay you to rest, like so many others this year. And tomorrow we rise from the ashes and trade our mourning in for dancing. And ohhhh, 2014, I think we both know, there will be MUCH to dance about.