Shadow Boxing.

Mark 10:8-9....."and the two will become ONE flesh so that they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let no one separate."

There's a scene in one of my all time favorite movies, The Princess Bride, that for years has proven to spur many a successful quote-offs in my family. It's the scene when Princess Buttercup is being forced to marry Prince Humperdink against her will, but there are whispers among the wedding guests that her true love, Wesley, is coming to save her.

I know I make an obscene amount of references to movies from the 80's but really, in terms of movies, who can disagree that my decade produced some goodies. We probably could have gone without parachute pants and unfortunately, Vanilla Ice ended up being sort of a dud, but still, who can forget that little priest in his gaudy wedding garb with his oddly pigmented face and champion speech impediment.

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaaa, todayyyy. Wove. Twue Wove....." Prince Humperdink interrupts and urges him to the grand finale before the important stuff even has a chance to be said. "MAN AND WIFE. SAY MAN AND WIFE!" To which he responds forlornly, "Man. Annnnnd. Wife."

If you're equal parts hopeless romantic and hormonal pre-teen like me, your reaction might have been similar to both mine and Fred Savage's at the time, "STOP! NO! This can't be happening! Where's WESLEY?! He's supposed to save her! She can't marry HUMPERDINK." And as your heart broke and your face fell, you knew, or seemed to think you knew, that the damage had been done. There was no going back. They were married. One. It was over for Wesley.

We all know how the story ends so I'll spare you the dramatic detail because this post isn't really about getting married or who gets who or if all ends well, it's about the afterbirth of marriage. The one flesh part. Which can be tricky and most of the time isn't all that cute.

The other day I was RAGING. I was hormonal, the yummy soul food, time with family, twinkling lights, everything is merry and bright, time to toss the leftovers and get on the scale, post Christmas depression had hit. I was on a roller coaster of emotion; elation at being chosen to be the mommy of two precious little girls and sorrow at not being chosen for their younger siblings. Gearing up to take down a MOUNTAIN of Christmas décor and head dive into more house construction AND it was New Year's Day; the FIRST day of the year; full of promise and hope and newness and change and things unknown and reflection and preparation and black eyed peas but for some reason I could NOT pull myself together which made me feel worse considering it was 'supposed' to be all those things. So naturally when things don't feel right and I'm a mess I do what I do best. I would love to be able to tell you that I took a deep breath, made a green smoothie, went for a jog, read my Bible and gave it all to God, AS USUAL, but that would be very, very untrue. Rather I looked for the nearest, unsuspecting, target and when I found him, I attacked with the enthusiasm of a caged raccoon. I picked and I nagged and I rolled my eyes and I lashed out and I ignored and I said hurtful things on purpose and made mountains out of molehills and in general had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day only made worse by the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad way in which I acted toward someone I love and cherish very much.

Of course after the smoke had cleared and he was still standing, guns undrawn, rock solid and unmovable, AS USUAL, I ended up in a puddle of awful, guilt ridden, self loathing tears on the floor. As I choked on the embarrassment and shame and the pitiful apology that could have been avoided entirely had I made a smoothie, gone for a jog and given it to God, I wondered aloud "WHY? WHY do I always beat up on you? You've done nothing. You're so precious to me. You are never anything but loving, supportive, kind, generous, patient and wonderful. I don't know why I do that. I'm so sorry." The words that came out of this loving, supportive, kind, generous, patient and wonderful man's mouth next, were truly straight from God in my opinion. Simple in structure but holy and profound to me that day.

"We are one person. It's easy to beat up on your spouse because it's like beating up yourself." 

And there it was. What God has joined together, let no one separate. Not even you, Whitney.

It crushed me. I had always read this verse through the eyes of a child it seemed. Naïve and foolish. Assuming this was speaking of the dangers of outside influences; affairs, etc. Things that led to the ultimate separation of divorce. And I'm sure it was, but in that moment I knew there was much more to it. This idea of one flesh. This idea that what I do to me, I do to he.

When Andis and I were engaged we went to pre-marital counseling. One day our counselor read THAT VERSE. Every woman knows the one. Regardless of how you feel about it, it's the one that has made my skin crawl more times than any other verse, ever. "Wives, submit to your husbands."  He turned to me and asked me how that made me feel. I tried to hide my contempt but it came out before I had a chance to wrestle it down. "AWFUL!", I said. Submission was a dirty word in my world and my parents could probably attest to the fact that it had always been. Andis, however, looked like he had been slapped. "It's not about that," he said quietly. "It's about mutual love and respect. Caring for someone else as much as yourself."

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do the Lord.....Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.....in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.....for this reason....the two will become one flesh. THIS is a profound mystery." Ephesians 5: 22-32 paraphrased

Submission to one flesh. Selfless. Sacrificing. Honorable. Holy. Mysterious.

All those times that I thought I was shadow boxing there was actually someone else in the other corner of the ring.

He. Me. One flesh.

I get it now.

Time to put the gloves down.