It's Just One of Them Days......

...that a girl goes through. When I'm angry insiiiiiiiddddeeeeeeeeeeeeee. You get the point. And if you lived with even one toe in the 90's you will probably remember this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9ZTiymoC5A Though you might be shocked to know the artist was MONICA and NOT T.L.C. Who knew?! And WHO IS Monica?! I think someone is lying about that. T.L.C. TOTALLY did that song. Pssht.

So yeah, one of them days. When I am literally, unequivocably, irreversibly, immutably, irretrievably, unalterably, unrepealably and a million other words that end with 'ly', completely, ridiculously EXHAUSTED by myself.

Not exhausted in general, but exhausted in specific. Exhausted. By. Myself.

And obviously I can't get AWAY from myself like I can an irritating co-worker or a nosy neighbor or a smelly cat (for all you F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fans out there) so the only realistic solution is....THIS.

Head. In. The candybowl. I know when people use this expression they really are joking because of COURSE we all have enough self-control NOT to actually put our entire head in the candy bowl. Or maybe you aren't lucky enough at your place of employment to have a candybowl the size of Alaska and even if you WANTED to throw self-control to the wind, the you without self-control wouldn't fit. That, however, is not the case in my life so I will accept a round of applause for the fact that I have employed insurmountable levels of self-control  for the past year and a half that this Alaskan sized candy bowl has been mere steps from my desk. And most days I chuckle and just imagine drowning myself in chocolate like the rest of you, but I say again. It's just one of THEM days. And I just happen to have a candybowl large enough for my head.

In all seriousness though.

The things I want to do, I cannot seem to do no matter HOW HARD I TRY and the things I LOATHE, well, you can bet I've just laced up my running shoes and am preparing for a sprint. I call these wham-bams. Well, I've never really called them that out loud per se, I just think of them that way. Well, actually I JUST thought of that, but maybe I will start calling them that from here on out. So, for lack of a better analogy, let's go with one that has stood the test of time. The chicken and the road. We all know that the chicken shouldn't be crossing the road. We know that there is water and grasshoppers and other chicken friends and chicken babies and a warm barn and a sheep, er, chicken dog to keep them safe where they ARE yet they insist on crossing to the other side like morons with tiny little brains. And shockingly, they get there sometimes without experiencing sudden death. But WHAM! They realize that they shouldn't BE THERE. There is nothing FOR THEM. It's something they shouldn't have done. It's no good. Es no bueno as Andis likes to say. So, they realize they made a mistake and they try to cross back over but mid-sprint a car comes and so they dart back to the 'dark side' (for lack of a better term) and this goes on and on until finally they can't take anymore and they run with all their might and BAM! a semi, out of nowhere sends them to the roadkill cafe. See, this is how I feel when I gravitate towards the things I shouldn't do and think and be and try and do and think and be and try. And once I get there I realize it's NO GOOD FOR ME, es no bueno so I try to re-trace my steps but I immediately find myself smack in the middle of the road with a two ton truck named GUILT heading right for me. And guilt is scary and it doesn't feel good and I try to avoid it so I turn around and run back to the thing I didn't want to do in the first place, but did anyway...the thing I'm trying to run FROM, I end up running towards. And this ridic cycle continues like clockwork in the form of bad habits and candybowls and it seems there is no end in sight....on days like this.

The good news is, I have never been alone in this. And neither have you. Romans 7:15: "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate."

"For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do." Galatians 5:17

Our hearts are divided by nature. One foot in this world and one in a mid-air jump, reaching for the next. But you know what. It's doesn't have to be just us and the road. If I were to see a chicken trying to cross the road, I would stop, park, get out, chase the chicken down, jump on it, pick it up, and walk it across the road (or put it in my car and make chicken and dumplings when I got home said NO ONE, EVER). And of course a two ton truck named GUILT could still try and run us both down but being larger and more able to navigate, you can also bet that it's likely I would get that chicken to safety. If it would let me. It could scratch me and peck me and then I could drop it and it could start the same crazy cycle all over again, and that would be it's choice, but it wouldn't HAVE to be that way. Because I want to save that chicken. And I think that chicken wants to be saved. So if I could just pick my head up out of the candybowl and wipe the chocolate out of my eyes for long enough to see that not all chickens end up in dumplings. Some of them make it back to the other side of the road where they belong, and they actually stay there. As long as there's chocolate. ;)