The Shiny Penny.

It's 5am. I just woke up and while the coffee is perking and I'm rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I'm already scrolling through FB and then Instagram and THEN Pinterest and don't forget Twitter. (Actually DO forget Twitter because I don't do that. Doesn't fit into my minimum character usage requirement.) And then it begins. The thoughts of inadequacy, fear, doubt, self-hatred, jealousy, envy and every other not awesome feeling that comes with the act of COMPARISON start creeping in, one by one; silent, sneaky, snake-like little things and before you know it, I'm hating myself for a MILLION and one reasons before the sun is even up.

"Aw, man. She looks SO good in red!" "Wow, I've always wanted to learn how to make a quilt." "Andis would LOVE it if I could make a meal like that." "They look like they're having so much fun." "I USED to be that size." "Her short hair is cute." "Her long hair is beautiful." "That outfit is bomb."  "They're having TWINS!" "He started his own business and it's wildly successful!" "She just started homeschooling."

Remember the essays we had to write in elementary? They all had a theme such as 'This summer I....', 'For Christmas I......', etc. Well the "theme" in my head is just as painful as writing those essays except it seems to write itself and it DOESN'T. STOP. EVER. "I wish I spoke like that, wrote like that, acted like that, looked like that, cooked like that, loved like that." "I wish I had a kitten or a puppy or a new car or a baby or that couch or that phone or that adventure or that thought or that personality trait or long eye lashes or worked from home or that kind of faith, or, or, or, or, or.....are you starting to catch on? Facebook Envy. Pinterest Psychosis. Instagram Illusions. You've heard the terms (or maybe you haven't because I just made at least one of those up) and probably experienced them all to varying degrees yourself. You can be the most settled, secure, confident, happy and joy-filled person and STLL struggle against feelings of fear, doubt, insecurity, self-hatred and general crappiness about your life when you hold it up to anothers. It's the shiny penny syndrome and it's not only a buzz-kill but it renders you UN-USABLE by God. Because that line that they fed us when we were kids? The 'You can do and be ANYTHING you want' line. Well, it's crap. We were created, unique and purposefully to accomplish unique and purposeful things, NOT to do everything or be everything. And when we get wrapped up in the 'EVERYTHINGS' that we think we should or could be doing, is when we end up doing NOTHING that we were created to do. One of my fave preacher's ever, Cody Whitfill of our home skillet, River Valley Christian Fellowship, shared a message once about the importance of guiding and helping your children find their purpose and what they might naturally be designed to do because NEWS FLASH, they won't be good at everything and in trying to be, they might actually end up accomplishing the wrong things or nothing at all. This was revolutionary to me. Not because I have kids but I guess maybe because in a lot of ways I'm still a kid on the inside? Yeah, let's go with that. And despite my most valiant efforts at being independent and Godly and confident and self-assured and proud and content with who I am at 32, there is a tiny little fifth grader with chipmunk cheeks and purple and pink splatter paint glasses and a really bad mullet wearing sweat pants and matching Keds screaming on the inside, "LIKE ME! LIKE ME! LIKE ME! I'm cool! I promise!" I'm learning to hug that little fifth grader, tell her she's got some growing to do but that it's all gonna be ok and send her on her way because the truth is when you compare yourself to another you either end up feeling better than them or you end up feeling worthless next to them and neither camp is a healthy or happy place to set up shop. And let's face it. Being cool isn't always as cool as cool people think it is, despite what social media portrays. And even though I haven't met a penny yet that could talk, I'd much rather be a crusty, rusty, slightly green one anyway because I bet if they could, they would be much better story tellers. So, rusty pennies put your HANDS UP! We got work to do. Margaret Cho said it best, "I'm not gonna die if I don't succeed as someone else. I'm gonna succeed as myself." More you. More true. Get started. Success is waiting.

"....whenever they measure themselves by their own standards or compare themselves among themselves, they show how foolish they are." 2 Corinthians 10:12

" Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your minds. Then you will be able to test and approve God's will; his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2